All transactions after 3:00 p.m. will be processed as the next bank's business.
Ask about mortgaging your future!
Kids who want to get high tragically end up with minty fresh breath instead
http://www.236.com/news/2008/01/25/kids_who_want_to_get_high_trag_3820.php
For Those Who Missed Hulk Night
Here are some of the poetry highlights, courtesy of Kevin Maher.
A la Emily Dickinson's work, my piece is known by its first line, "Dr. Bruce Banner."
Sit back in your favorite chair by the fire, pour yourself a glass of Mad Dog, and enjoy.
Knut the Bear Makes a Come-Back
After falling on hard times, young Knut the bear finds his star is on the ascendence again as the Berlin Zoo fields film offers from production companies. After looking for an excuse to foist its young charge off on another animal park, the zoo now takes a particular interest in Knut, especially as any film deal would net a substantial sum.
It was only last month when the Berlin Zoo was considering proposals of a very different kind as other zoos took pity on Knut and offered him shelter when his keepers announced he would be forced him to move, allegedly because the Berlin Zoo did not have enough room to keep him. But the prospect of cashing in on the innocent bear and his adoring, affluent audience has inspired an about-face; now zoo officials have taken a sudden interest in Knut. Now that Hollywood has come calling, there is no longer talk of ousting Knut – at least, not as long as he remains a celebrity.
This on-again/off-again fame is feeding into the vulnerable young bear’s insecurities. Besides putting on “shows” for zoo patrons, Knut regularly exhibits attention-seeking behavior. He has even gone so far as to fake an injury, perhaps as a gambit to receive medication, though zoo veterinarians deny that the bear is a seeker or that he is in any way dependent upon painkillers.
According to industry insiders, Knut is squaring off against demons familiar to many former child celebrities who have not yet made a stable transition to adulthood. Like Brooke Shields, he has battled depression while in the public eye. Like Linda Blair, he has outgrown the roles of his youth, and is desperately searching for his “Roller Boogie” and “Up Your Alley.”
But the question remains: will the Berlin Zoo help Knut to find himself, or become the worst breed of stage parent, exploiting the young and inexperienced bear and feeding him an unwholesome diet of limelight and flattery? One thing is for certain: it’s only a matter of time before YouTube clips of Knut and his personal assistant, Thomas Doerflein, are pulled for infringement of the Berlin Zoo’s hottest property – for now.
***UPDATE
Uh-oh.
Yes, Virginia, There is a List of 23/6 Posts
http://www.236.com/news/2007/11/22/on_thanksgiving_elected_offici_2503.php
http://www.236.com/news/2007/11/27/only_28_cybershopping_days_unt_1_2555.php
http://www.236.com/news/2007/12/05/rudy_giuliani_has_another_city_2690.php
http://www.236.com/news/2007/12/07/oneyearold_polar_bear_has_more_1_2780.php
http://www.236.com/news/2007/12/20/have_yourself_a_very_little_ch_3035.php
http://www.236.com/news/2007/12/20/236_christmas_guide_how_to_sav_3067.php
AHOYs Are Not Born, They're Made...After They're Born
Vote for the 2007 A.H.O.Y.
Choosing the Asshole of the Year is every citizen's duty.
Our nation's first A.H.O.Y.
You're in Luck -- Kevin Maher's new AMC "Sci-Fi Scanner" is up!
Kevin Maher's latest hilarious offering on the AMC site is a panel discussion of Harry Potter versus "The Golden Compass."
In case the costume fools you, that's me -- the Reader -- via satellite. And yes, that is the mighty Paul Herbig as the Lord of the Rings Fan.
It’s Dick Cheney – And He’s Armed!
Ever since the Poughkeepsie Journal reported this weekend that Vice President Dick Cheney will go hunting at the Clove Valley Rod & Gun Club, the humor’s been flying like buckshot in LaGrangeville, New York.
“The same old jokes are going around,” says Matt Dwyer, who is in charge of clipping bird wings for the gun club. “You know, ‘let’s hope his aim is better now than when he was saying there was an al Qaida-Saddam link’ and ‘I bet the birds know what Valerie Plame felt like.’ Just good-natured stuff like that.’
While some area residents complain about road closings and traffic delays, others say he should be left alone to enjoy some well-deserved R&R and get a taste of what it will be like when he retires to private life to enjoy his deferred Halliburton compensation full-time.
But there are a few class clowns who can’t resist having a little good-natured fun about Cheney’s hunting abilities.
“I’m no Jay Leno,” says one long-time Dutchess County resident. “The man’s here to commune with nature and shoot at it, so we won’t be making with the gags about his aim in the past – like why he’s underfunding the CIA in favor of the NSA. Or the liberties he’s taken with the Constitution.”
CURRENTLY ON THE BAT-DRAWING BOARD
spellchecker still picking up "bat-erang"
awl -- new hole in the utility belt (Robin stay out of good tool box)
update Justice League speed dial numbers for Green Lantern
tell Kyle, Hal, Guy, Jon, Alan -- NOBODY is going in top five
remove test gyrostabilization chip from Cuisinart
for WGTM's on-air limerick contest Friday:
There was was a man called The Penguin
A criminal vicious, yet sanguine
Believe it or not
He's Oswald Cobblepot
And his criminal mind (something something)
Call university geneologist re: possible relation to Mad Anthony Wayne
add real fruit juice to batsicle prototype
batsicle too similar-sounding to batcycle?
batpops?
batrollups?
letter to editor Gotham Gazette, correct web site, search for:
Bat-Man
BatMan
Bat Man
write Gotham Dept of Buildings
- lots of abandoned warehouses and former factories, perfect villain lairs
- unsafe parapets
Meeting with Comm Gordon -- problems with Bat-Signal / movie premieres
schedule follow-up appt Dr. Goldberg re: batsicles (batstes)
ALFRED DO NOT ERASE! ******* ALFRED DO NOT ERASE!
Marcel Marceau (1923-2007), Bip (1947-2007)
He went quietly.
He looks like he's sleeping. With his elbow propped up on a mantel.
Now he's walking against the dirt.
And after all that time trying to escape from a box, too.
Other Perfectly Good Names MoveOn.org Can Use in the Future When Referring to General Petraeus
General Slayus
General Mywayus
General Dismayus
General Pompeiius
General Threeseconddelayus
General Oyveyus
General Blueandgrayus
General RachelRayus
General Onomatopoeias
General Doubtthathesgayus
General ComeonandrockmeAmadeus
I Make a Pretty Convincing Dork-on-the-Street
I’m on the interweb!
I’m on the interweb!
For your consideration: I'm currently appearing in the "Dragon Wars" episode of KEVIN MAHER’s excellent video series, “SciFi Scanner,” on the American Movie Classics web site.
Check out Kevin’s other hilarious installments, including:
“Punks Unite to Battle Flesh-Eating Corpses”
“The Worst Movie Ever?”
“The Kinky Space Opera and George Lucas”
I think you will agree they're magical.
Are they safe for work?
Only if you have a door: you’ll want to watch all four. Wearing spandex.
While you’re goldbricking on the company's dime, go to Jay Stern’s report as AMC’s official correspondent to Dragon*Con 2007. He was in Atlanta to screen our new comedy short, “The Ring of Ultimate Power.”
That’s what we did over our summer vacation.
Hope yours was similarly jake.
Books Currently Available to Children in Our Nation's Libraries
Friends, be sure to visit the good people at the Lowbrow Reader today!
Aphorisms
Fortune favors the annoying.
If you don't understand ideas, pray for them to go away.
A barber who cuts his own hair has a screen door for a submarine.
Hotlanta Dragon*Con 2007 Chaser
Thanks to Kevin Maher over at AMC, we have a nice plug for The Ring of Ultimate Power on their website. And you can read Jay Stern's blog about Dragon*Con here:
http://blogs.amctv.com/scifiscanner/2007/09/our-man-saw-bat.html
*yes, the cat's pucker in Dragon*Con is part of the official name
THE DOSE: Larry Craig Takes Back Everything He Took Back
If cleared of indecency charges, Idaho Senator Larry Craig plans to rescind his guilty plea, take back his resignation, and start trolling for anonymous sex in women's rooms.
THE DOSE: It's the Pen for Karl Rove
Karl Rove, outgoing political advisor to President Bush, announced his intention to write about his experiences masterminding the 2004 defeat of the popular vote and the plot to implicate al Qaeda in order to justify invading Iraq.
No publisher has been found yet for the book about one man's troubled relationship with the U.S. Constitution, which should be titled, "If I Undermined It."
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