Scale of Importance (All Values Measured in Shakes of a Fat Rat’s Ass)

Lose crappy expensive cell phone in a cab (phone stayed shut only with a rubber band or hair elastic and had only one week left on the contract, anyway) – 1

Secretary in the next cubicle promoted to Assistant Office Manager – 2

Older sister gets Mom’s charm bracelet – 5

Ex-boyfriend goes out with the redheaded waitress at Bar Sinister – 8

World Peace – 400+