Marcel Marceau (1923-2007), Bip (1947-2007)

He went quietly.

He looks like he's sleeping. With his elbow propped up on a mantel.

Now he's walking against the dirt.

And after all that time trying to escape from a box, too.

Other Perfectly Good Names Can Use in the Future When Referring to General Petraeus

General Slayus
General Mywayus
General Dismayus
General Pompeiius
General Threeseconddelayus
General Oyveyus
General Blueandgrayus
General RachelRayus
General Onomatopoeias
General Doubtthathesgayus
General ComeonandrockmeAmadeus

I Make a Pretty Convincing Dork-on-the-Street

I’m on the interweb!
I’m on the interweb!

For your consideration: I'm currently appearing in the "Dragon Wars" episode of KEVIN MAHER’s excellent video series, “SciFi Scanner,” on the American Movie Classics web site.

Check out Kevin’s other hilarious installments, including:
“Punks Unite to Battle Flesh-Eating Corpses”
“The Worst Movie Ever?”
“The Kinky Space Opera and George Lucas”

I think you will agree they're magical.
Are they safe for work?
Only if you have a door: you’ll want to watch all four. Wearing spandex.

While you’re goldbricking on the company's dime, go to Jay Stern’s report as AMC’s official correspondent to Dragon*Con 2007. He was in Atlanta to screen our new comedy short, “The Ring of Ultimate Power.”

That’s what we did over our summer vacation.

Hope yours was similarly jake.


Fortune favors the annoying.

If you don't understand ideas, pray for them to go away.

A barber who cuts his own hair has a screen door for a submarine.

Hotlanta Dragon*Con 2007 Chaser

Thanks to Kevin Maher over at AMC, we have a nice plug for The Ring of Ultimate Power on their website. And you can read Jay Stern's blog about Dragon*Con here:

*yes, the cat's pucker in Dragon*Con is part of the official name

THE DOSE: Larry Craig Takes Back Everything He Took Back

If cleared of indecency charges, Idaho Senator Larry Craig plans to rescind his guilty plea, take back his resignation, and start trolling for anonymous sex in women's rooms.

THE DOSE: It's the Pen for Karl Rove

Karl Rove, outgoing political advisor to President Bush, announced his intention to write about his experiences masterminding the 2004 defeat of the popular vote and the plot to implicate al Qaeda in order to justify invading Iraq.

No publisher has been found yet for the book about one man's troubled relationship with the U.S. Constitution, which should be titled, "If I Undermined It."

THE DOSE: Rev. Haggard Solicits Again

Rev. Ted Haggard, founder of the New Life evangelical megachurch in Colorado Springs, is asking for it again.

Last week, he emailed a radio station to solicit financial support while he goes back to school in spite of the fact he was given more than $130,000 in severance, receives royalties from many books, and owns a home valued at around $700,000.

Haggard reluctantly pulled out of New Life after admitting to “sexual immorality” in the wake of accusations of a male prostitute. This is not the first time he’s begged for favors from strangers.

THE DOSE: General Pace Urges Withdrawal Method

General Peter Pace, outgoing Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, will call for a nearly 50% troop withdrawal by 2008.

He also requests that the last person to leave Iraq remember to turn out the lights.


Dude, it’s official -- Russian President Vladimir Putin is having a mid-life crisis as bad as your Dad’s or something.

Remember when your Dad started washing the car five times a week when those college girls moved in?

Ever since Putin went on vacation in Siberia, he hasn’t had his shirt on once.

All of a sudden they get all, “You shouldn’t be carrying those heavy groceries.” Or else, “Ooh, let me bait your hook for you.”

Also? Your Dad’s new car is nothing next to Putin’s plane with the solid-gold sink and the solid-gold shower. Anyway they look solid gold.

Your Dad got new shades and Putin got some.

Your Dad goes to Miami, Putin goes to the North Pole.

Acting like they discovered it.

Putin got a dog and some new gym equipment.
Somewhere Putin’s wife was probably saying the same thing as your mom.
“Maybe it’s good for him. It’s good for his heart cholesterol” or something.

Mostly what it means is you’re walking that dog and shoveling the minefield.
Your Dad got a new guitar – a Les Paul. Don’t worry. Putin’s got his axe also.
Maybe they would have more time to learn how to play if they weren’t busy sticking their head in the picture next to the girls every time.

But in real life, he’s just another boring business guy.

Seriously? I’m not even trying to be harsh, but that could be your Dad that Putin’s talking to right there except your Dad would be wearing his baseball cap.

No offense, Dude, but if that was my Dad?

I would tell him stay out of Siberia.


For the first time since parting company with "business associate" Bernard Kerik, presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani slipped up in public and alluded to Mafia ties.

In a New Hampshire town hall meeting, Giuliani repeatedly warned that his real allegiance is to "family" – perhaps one of the Five Families in control of organized crime in New York City.

After an audience member questioned the fidelity of his "family" (his daughter said she supported Barack Obama), Giulini warned, "The best thing I can say is kind of, 'Leave my family alone just like I'll leave your family alone'."

Paolo Pezzino, a University of Pisa History professor and author of a book on the Mafia, writes that mob members "exercise sovereignty functions – normally belonging to public authorities." Former mayor and public prosecutor Rudolph William Louis "Rudy" Giuliani also shares with "Cosa Nostra" an Italian-American descent, Roman Catholicism, and a fondness for nicknames.

Giuliani threatened the stunned audience: 'I love my family very, very much and will do anything for them.'

By "my family,” it was uncertain whether he meant Bonanno, Genovese, Lucchese, Colombo, or Gambino, but one thing was for certain: Giuliani appeared to be visiting New Hampshire solely in a bid to extend his control, territory and influence.